My future lies in the hands of one of my most dreary and hated enemies – a panic attack and virtual mental breakdown forced me to make the 2am call, it was time to hand it over to them. To let them take control while allowing me to settle into a slight calm, not having to think about it for a short while, let them handle the rest. I had no choice, perhaps my future is really my very own fault, I should've dealt with it sooner – I should have created a solid target date of completion, one that wouldn't end in a painful punishment if not met, one that I wouldn't completely forget about and let slip my mind. Then, its the last minute – the process wasn't working, something was wrong but I couldn't figure it out. Lack of sleep was hindering my abilities to slowly and precisely work out a simple problem, a problem I face daily, one that shouldn't be a problem but it was, it was turning into a massive, grueling, ugly problem, my problem. Then I made the call, one I really did not want to make, the call that I feared, the call that started out with, "OK, so I may be a slight nightmare for you, so be patient…"

Ok, let's cut the drama down into its essential bits: I have a deadline. It is in less than two days. I haven't printed my portfolio yet. I had a corrupt file. Had to rebuild, fix, de-bug. I had to call Kinko's at 2am and tell them I was going to be their nightmare. I left them incredibly strict instructions. They always fuck it up. Always. I am going to pick up my portfolio this evening. At that time, I wish not to flip out on them. I am going to blame them for every failure in my future, if they fucked up. Happy Day.