Frozen soy desserts, aka fake ice cream, is like sucking on a vanilla scented eraser. It almost has the consistency of an eraser, a very soft one. Last night in one of my hormone driven trips to the market for some comfort food, I picked up a wee bit of this stuff to take back home and savor as I read some serisouly boring marketing shit. Now, had I had access to real ice cream, the kind with real cream that comes from a real cow, I would have grabbed that anyday over a soy dessert. However, I was completely cash-less, meaning I had to go to a market that would take my debit card, that being one of two organic markets that sell really, really expensive food, most of which is made out of soy or something else that is apparently less harmful to little meat-covered creatures. I chose the dessert that was called Cookie Avalanche, all nestled in vanilla flavored, uh, dessert or frozen stuff. The picture showed lots of large chunky bits from fake chocolate/cream cookies, I figured it couldn't be all that bad. Once I returned home and was ready with spoon in hand to tear into my new frozen delight, that was sure to take all my emotional pain and throw it out the window (or add it to my ass), I drove my spoon into blank white space. My intitial taste response was probably similiar to eating a sour patch kid. It tasted like frozen egg nog actually, on the first bite, then it got increasingly worse after that – each bite feeling more and more like rubber in my mouth and tasting like it too. Yes, I kept eating it. It wasn't revolting, what was revolting though was the fact there were really no cookies and certainly no avalanche of cookies within this frozen eraser dessert. The only remnants of supposed chocolate/cream cookies were barely visible sprinkles of crumbs from the inside of a left-over box of cookies. I can see in my mind a bunch of hippies at the soy dessert company, all packed onto the CEO's back porch in the middle of the night, stirring up soybeans and organic evaporated cane juice with giant wooden pestles. These guys have the munchies in a bad way and the last of the organic and earth friendly chocolate/cream cookies have been eaten. One guy tries to get at the crumbs at the bottom of the package when the man with the pestle stops him and says, "Dude, don't do that man… I have an idea that is far better than eatin plain earth-friendly crumbs." He grabs the empty package and pours the remaining cookie crumbs into the barrel, stirring them together with the future frozen dessert.
"Yeah! It looks like an avalanche of cookie, man! I dig that."
"That would make a killer name, and hey we save money too, dude. We get to have our munchies and eat them too"
And that is how I imagine this soy dessert came to be.